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Even though Tom told her about his upcoming top surgery, it doesn’t necessarily follow that he has told everyone in his life or would want her friends and acquaintances to know either.He should be the person who gets to decide how much of his personal information gets shared and when.
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At present, I don’t think there’s a good reason for you to share your specific concerns about how your girlfriend told you with Tom because he already knows that you know he’s getting top surgery—you two have discussed it together.
But you should double-check with your girlfriend that Tom had given her the clear to disclose this information to you. If she did speak out of turn to you (even though it all turned out well), or if you’re concerned that she might be discussing Tom’s private medical matters with other friends of hers, then I think you and your girlfriend should have a conversation about confidentiality, privacy, and safety.
He was a nice guy, but the weight was really unattractive. Is there any way I can go for this without coming off as shallow? That’s not to say you can’t give dating Jake a shot, or even that experiencing new romantic interest for someone based on his or her physical appearance makes you an irredeemably bad and self-centered person, just that there is no way to ask out Jake now while pretending it doesn’t have anything to do with his weight loss.
It has everything to do with his weight loss, and you know that, and Jake will too.
Unless you are given express contrary permission, let Tom handle the business of coming out to other people; there’s no reason for you to do it for him unless he asks you to.